Social Bulimia

Less is more. This is a precept of the minimalist lifestyle.

While I have never really considered myself a minimalist… the idea presents several points that I do subscribe to. This same ideology is professed not only by minimalist, but can be found in most of the eastern religions, such as Buddhism and Taoism, and to a lesser extent those religions based on the “old testament” - Christianity, Judaism, and Islam.

It is usually apparent when material objects are weighing a person down, like an anchor. We tend to collect considerably more than we need; including objects who's only use is providing knowledge that we posses it. On occasion, people can be seen disposing of such excesses… through yard or garage sales, through the internet, or even by simply throwing the item in the trash. This purging of excess often helps us organize – empty the garage through a yard sale, and you are suddenly able to park the car in there, get rid of old or unused clothing, and the clothes you have fit, or better fit into closets and drawers. Physically purging ourselves of excesses that weigh us down has a noticeable affect on our lives, and our ability to organize ourselves.

Physical purging is common place, and can be seen most weekends in any large city… or anytime through the internet. Although many do not think of it as such… spiritual purging is just as common as physical. Spiritual purging can accompany physical purging – we must let go of emotional attachments to dispose of a specific asset during a physical purge – or it can be something quite profound, such as meditation or prayer. When physically purging, the results can be seen with the naked eye – there was once an object there, and now it is gone. Spiritual purging may not be so obvious to the site, but the effect can be much greater than something as simply as removing an unneeded piece of property. Spiritual purging involves removing the negative emotions that clog or psyche, leaving the positive.

I am a firm believer in the necessity of purging. Separating property into items used, and those to be disposed. Separating ideas, emotions, and feelings into those that are useful and positive, and removing the negative and harmful. Many people purge… but there is one aspect of our lives that is generally removed from the purge. Recently, I purged this generally neglected portion of my life.

A persons associations affect them, whether they want them to or not. Associations can have a positive effect… when they support and strengthen the parties involved. Associations can also have a negative effect… able to cut deeper and do more damage than any weapon man has created. Oddly, despite the effect that such constant negativity can have on a person… most people will simply “grin and bear it” – allowing those associations which are harmful to grow and prosper, through inactivity of the affected party. This is the area that I have recently purged.

Although I have only been at Sam for two years, I have noticed a trend. I typically make friends with the older crowd. This is not a reference to the “non-traditional” students. Instead, my associations have generally been with graduate students, or upper-classmen (and women). Unfortunately, such associations take their toll. For most students, the longer you have been in college, the less time you have left. So, one after another, my friends graduate and move on – requiring me to make new friends. I accept this. After all, I am aware of what is going on, and I continue in the practice. The ill-wind that ripples through my life is not because of a constantly rotating series of friends. Instead, my black cloud is formed of many of those with whom I have maintained friendships with, because they are still here.

Over the course of the summer, I hung up the phone… and stayed out of the car. My reasons were simple. Who among my friends would call or stop by? Which of those would do so for a reason OTHER than desire to use me? The results were astonishing.. of those I talked to regularly, or hung out with, only 2 actually contacted me to see how I was doing. Only 2 were interested in me for who I am, rather than what I could do for them.

Since that time… one of them has allowed themselves to be absorbed by another… allowing friendships to disintegrate… and now there is only 1.

Does this mean that I only have 1 friend?
No.
What it does mean is that those I considered my closest friends in Huntsville were hardly friends, much less close.

I have friends that I have known for years. Yet, despite this, we never were the kind of close friends that I thought I was with others. The deeper I look into this, the more I believe that this was my doing. I immersed myself with a couple of groups… groups that had little or nothing to do with one another… and never mixed friends. More importantly, once I was with those few groups… I never gave additional groups of friends a chance to get as close. To them, I would like to apologize. I see now that those I did not allow to get close have been better friends than those I trusted and leaned on, or allowed to lean on me.

So… in closing I would like to say: Here's to you, social bulimia. You have seen me through the hard times… and allowed me to find some good. Time to crack open a cold one and smoke a joint.

Copyright 2007 by Joshua Andrade and meauho.net