THE WILL OF HERMAN OBELWEISS

JUNE 1934 TERM, COUNTY COURT, ANDERSON COUNTY, TEXAS:

I am writing of my will mineself that dis lawyir want he should have to much money he ask to many answers about the family. 

First think i dont want my brother Oscar to get a g** d** think i got - he is a mumser and he done me out of four dollars fourteen years since.

I want it that Hilda my sister she get the north sixty akers of at where i am homing at now - i bet she dont get that loafer husband of hers to brake twenty akers next plowing.  She cant have it if she lets Oscar live on it. i want i should have it back if she does.

Tell Mama that the six hundret dollars she has been looking for ten years is berried from the bakhouse behind about ten feet down.  She better let little Fredrick do the digging and count it when he comes up.

Pastor Ticknitis can have three hundret dollars if he kisses the book he wont preach no more dumhead talks about politics.  He should a roof put on the meeting house with and the elders should the bills look at.

Mama should the rest get but i want it so that Adolph should tell her what not she should do so no more slick irishers sell her vaken cleaner they noise like hell and a broom dont cost so much.

I want it that mine brother Adolph be my executer and i want it that the judge should please make Adolph plenty bond put up and watch him like hell.  Adolph is a good bisness man but only a dumpph would trust him with a busted pfennig.

I want dam sure that schlaimail Oscar dont nothing get.  Tell Adolph he can have a hundret dollars if he prove judge Oscar dont nothing get that dam sure fix Oscar.                                        

(signed) Herman Obelweiss

(Actually written by Justice Will Sears of Houston while a law student)

first popularized in Prosser, The Judicial Humourist, 1958