The Initial Adjustment to College Life
by Dr. Elizabeth Charrier— SHSU Counseling Center

“Aaaahhhh!” Some may interpret this as, “Aaahhh, my student is finally gone. Now I have time to myself to do…” and others might interpret this as “Aaaahhh! What am I supposed to do now that my student's gone?!” Probably you fluctuate between both sentiments. It can be a very big adjustment to have your son or daughter leave for college, bigger than one might expect. Those feelings will probably differ in intensity based on whether this is your first child to leave, whether there are others at home still or whether this is the last of your children to leave. Other factors influencing how this is affecting you may include your own experience or inexperience with college, your current relationship with your son/daughter, and current circumstances in your own life. Often times, this first year (especially this first semester) is a time when parents reflect again on their relationship with the student, how they parented this child and what they wished was different. This kind of reflection can help guide you towards how you make future decisions with this child and your others as well as helping you adjust to this transition.

Meanwhile, your student is making a lot of adjustments, too. In addition to learning a new campus, the student is learning a new town, a new system and having to make all new friendships. Even if they travel to college with friends, the opportunities to make new acquaintances and friendships abound in a short time. Often students will find themselves busy but still very lonely. None of their friendships feel as comfortable or stable as their long-standing friendships are. This could result in them calling 50 times a day “just to chat” or not calling for days on end. Many students the time of their transition to college to develop different aspects of their identity. Sometimes this comes in the form of trying out new social activities that were not common to them when they lived at home (such as staying out late, drinking, or dating different people).

Typically students are just attempting to refine who they want to be (or who they do not want to be) and their goals for being at college. At times, that may interfere with their academic pursuits but sooner or later most students find a good balance between the social/developmental aspects of college life and their academic work.

As a concerned parent, listen as your student talks about his/her experiences. Sometimes you can gather information about how your son/daughter is handling the unknown just by how he/she talks about it. When he/she does tell you about things that you might disapprove of, try to reserve judgment until you have heard the whole story. For example, if your son states he was out late last Saturday night because he was driving a friend home from a party, wait to hear what he says or alludes to that lets you know how he handled the situation. Did he reference drinking? Did he talk about how well he knew the people? Ask your son/daughter about what you are curious about but respect that there are some aspects of his/her life they might want to keep to themselves. Finally, if you have some concerns, voice them. Let him know that there are places on campus he can get help with things if he will look for them, and also express your confidence that he can find the resources they need to work things out (whether that resource is you or not).

One of the biggest fears of both you, as a parent, and your student is whether the student can cope with all of the new problems coming their way. College is certainly different than high school in many ways and it is very natural for a parent to want to step in to help a student avoid any pitfalls that can hurt him/her. However, before you get started remember that it reinforces a student's fear that they are not capable of negotiating difficulty if you step in and do it for them. Instead, help him or her to think through the problem, possible solutions, and ways to find any pitfalls that can hurt him/her. However, before you get started remember that it reinforces a student's fear that they are not capable of negotiating difficulty if you step in and do it for them. Instead, help him or her to think through the problem, possible solutions, and ways to find resources to help. Suggest things you have tried before or would think to do. For example, your daughter's roommate is always coming in intoxicated, late at night, and has brought back more than one strange man this semester. You and your daughter are not only concerned for her peace of mind, but also for her safety. It might be tempted to call someone in charge in Residence Life, just to let them know about the situation and demand some quick attention before this reoccurs. However, your daughter learns a lot more if you talk it through with her for her to solve the problem. 1) Ask some questions (i.e. have you talked with your roommate about it? Does your RA know?) 2) What are some ways she has thought of handling it? Add in some of the things you have thought of. 3) What does she think she will do? 4) What resources are available for her to use? Does she need more help from you?

Negotiating a student's first semester in college can be a hair-raising experience but, when navigated carefully, is also very joyous. Take the time to celebrate the good work you have done in raising a good person and continue support them in this new experience.

Your Freshman's Records and “FERPA”
by Dana Grant—Department of Residence Life

In 1974, the US Government enacted the Federal Education Right to Privacy Act, which protects students' privacy with regards to their academic and behavioral records with higher education facilities. This federal statute generally limits what administrators are permitted to tell parents about their children's academic performance and social conduct. It is based on the assumption that students are considered by law to be adults and their college activities are their own business.

In light of this Act, SHSU cannot discuss your student's housing arrangements or disciplinary records without your student's written permission. Several offices, including Financial Aid and Residence Life, offer students the option to give written consent to their parents to discuss their financial records and/or housing-dining arrangements. If your student is interested, they may contact the offices directly for instructions.

However, under the Warner Amendment (1998), there are two instances where we contact parents without the student's permission. First, if a student is involved with an Alcohol Violation in the residence halls, the Residence Life Office will automatically send a letter home to parents. Second, if a student is found to have illegal drugs or drug paraphernalia, not only will the University send a letter home to parents, the student will be removed from the residence halls immediately and risk suspension from the University by the Dean of Students' Office.

It is our hope that you understand FERPA and our obligations to your student's privacy regardingtheir SHSU records.

The TOP questions you should be asking your students:

Are you going to class? Skipping class is the #1 reason why students fail.

Are you studying at least 25 hours per week? College is a full time job. You should be in class, studying, doing homework 40 hours per week.

Are you reviewing the material in each class weekly? Review all material each week, then preparing for an exam is easy.

Are you scheduling your “goof-off” time? Everyone needs down time but students need to learn to manage their “goof-off” time.

Do you know when the last day to withdraw is? After this date, you cannot withdraw from a class.

Are you starting your assignments early? The unexpected happens...you get sick, your computer dies. Start assignments with plenty of time for the UNEXPECTED.

Have you seen your advisor? Students need to meet with an advisor (usually in October) to plan for next semester.

Have you gone to your professor's office hours? Professors like to help students. Visit your professor during office hours.

Are you going to tutoring? Many academic departments have in-house tutoring services or have names of students who tutor in subjects.

Have you formed a study group? Studying complex material is more efficient with a study group.