You Might Be A Liberal If...

Ever since Michael Dukakis suffered a terrible drubbing at the polls for flashing his ACLU card in public and for identifying himself as a liberal without embarrassment, the dreaded "L" word has fallen into wide disfavor, even disrepute. Some liberal politicians, like Bill Clinton, don't like to use it all. Nevertheless, it's still possible to know who's a liberal and who is not.

You might be a liberal if . . .

You think that consenting adults can engage freely in every activity except capitalism.

You named your children Moonglow and Arizona.

You think the really alarming violence takes place outside the abortion clinic.

You've ever referred to the "root cause" of something.

You pray to "The Woman Upstairs."

You think we never gave peace a chance.

You had to be told that "Manhattan," "menopause" and "boycott" were not sexist words

You begin sentences with the words "I feel."

Your driver's license has a hyphen because for you one last name just isn't enough.

You don't think "All in the Family" is a very funny program, but watch it anyway because Meathead makes a lot of sense.

You think OJ is out looking for the real killers.

You think Julia Sugarbaker is an astute social commentator.

You think it takes a village.

You think that the words "to promote the general welfare" in the Constitution mean to promote welfare generally.

You think that, even though more people voted against him than for him in both the 1992 and the 1996 presidential elections, Bill Clinton had a mandate.

You think that conservatives, like preservatives, ought to be federally regulated.

You ever wore earth shoes.

You have ever wondered out loud, "Why can't we all just get along?"

You think the New York Times prints all the news that's fit.

You think that Rush Limbaugh is just an entertainer.

You spent Columbus Day reading Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee.

You reach the limits of your talent and then complain that you ran into a glass ceiling.

You wear more ribbons on your lapel than in your hair.

You blame the Unabomber's parents.

You fail to see the connection between Lenin and Lennon.

You have ever agreed with Alec Baldwin or Rosie O'Donnell.

You are very intolerant of people who don't agree with your ideas of what constitutes tolerance.